Is the point of using your throwaway so she doesnt see your other post history? How I interpret you feel: she betrayed your trust, she shared your private life, and then made fun of it. After some begging I agreed to come home tomorrow and talk. Now, this is fine! Im so lost. You need a therapist to help you process what you're feeling, you need to process that in your time and she needs to fucking wait for you to do it if she really cares about you. Back then I hadnt realize I was bi because I was a teen, and scared of being rejected by my family, but I knew I felt certain attraction towards girls. If my wife did this, I doubt I'd ever care to be into intimate with her again. I would divorce my husband if he let his friends make comments about my sexuality, and then proceeded to say he fantasized about other women during sex. She swears she does love our sex life and the things we do and is sorry. I'd also put the missus on a yellow card and ask her to be more honest about the Tom thing; the fact he treated her badly and you're the opposite must be a good factor in staying together. I totally dont get why she would lie and say he begged for the gay stuff if she was wanting it. Rob the "state" of whatever you are going through of its power by giving it zero importance. Agreed! I was in a conversation with two other girls about anal sex. Most people will say bi/lesbian women are "ok" because it's "hot" (I've been told that), and will see bi/gay men as an atrocity just because it's men with other men. b- for creative writing, but this is total BS. Solve thid situation by TALKING let her explain herself and then tell her what you feel. People are too quick to run away from a marriage and give up when issues come up. Imagine it was a really graphic conversation, about all her body parts or how she is bad at oral sex, and it included discussions of your ex-girlfiend for comparison. Slipping up and sharing something very private about your husband is betrayal enough. She was pretty happy discussing extremely intimate shit off the cuff in a group. Unless they're all like that and she's just throwing a couple out for a meat shield, like she did with you. One of my wifes friends was fairly insistent about her divorcing me but honestly it came from a genuine place, its a weird situation and if you cant see how happy we are, I cant blame you for not getting it. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. This is not helpful but wow. Those so called friends are not real friends. Being shitty is easy, being a good person is too Clearly choices have been made. Third, it is really nobody's business if you are Bi, and nobody should care about it anyway. Exactly! How do you hang out with that friend group now knowing all their extra bullshit? With women like you out there in the world, why the fuck would anyone settle for less? But, she finally conceded maybe he was genuine. Yeah Id be pissed about the betrayal of trust. Things that concern only you two she turn into an open truth and open truths she kept from you. About everything. At a minimum she should have come clean about the bachelorette party thing the moment it happened. The friends that she's now claiming are judgemental need to be cut off. Do you think she feels the same way about you?? I guess the guy was too close or something because my wife again told him that he was drunk and should go back to the group. Yeah, all of those things are a painful betrayal. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. Isn't this basically reverse sexism? But at least this one has some panache. They had quiet music playing and were talking amongst themselves. She basically said, well if you werent listening at the door you wouldnt be upset right now. Highlight the fact that obviously the buck didn't stop with her friends as at least one of their husbands know. I would be so freaking upset & sad. I'm wondering if your lack of fighting in your communication may be related to her not being open and honest with you as you are with her. If I was you I would demand you get into couples therapy, and make absolutely clear that the trust you had in her is gone and it is going to take time for that trust to be rebuilt. Once your sexual history was out in the open and left you vulnerable to her girlfriends judgements, she decided to join in and talk shit about it and mention that she thinks of other men while pleasuring you since it turns her off. Your sexual relationship is basically the basis of trust in your relationship as a whole. Unfortunately as long as there are homophobic people out there, there is potential to damage his reputation. Couples counseling may help rebuild trust. Go for a hike, go to a movie, whatever. The good you do today maybe forgotten tomorrow. Author Hazel McBride claimed that she's so "average-looking" that she feels uneasy around her more handsome husband in a now-viral TikTok. The world is bad enough with mean enough people, you dont need your team mate trash talking you too. I am a firm believer that most things can be worked through. She said she really felt bad when she realized she outed you, but I mean how sorry is she really if here she is bringing it up AGAIN? Then one friend says I could never be with a man who like men. Dont just move on forget, learn from it. I would suggest that you avoid any hasty decisions that would blow your life up until you take some time to process this on your timeline. "My. I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. My conjecture is that she did so because of the above reasons basically to seem cool. First of all, I think we all say less than admirable things about our SOs at times. Another violation of your trust. It's time to contact a lawyer, bro. Yeah. You need to tell her how this has made you feel and how hurt you are by it. You never speak about your wife in that manner so why do you have to put up with it. It's not a secret, kept in a fault. That would be the end for me. I'm sorry you went through this. Ive been with my partner for 5 years. Then, when I was in the bathroom (just outside of their bedroom door), I could hear them talking about me. But something you might ask her about. Picking that moment to be the center of attention? Though she made some comments around it to her female friends, I would not take those seriously (imagining other men etc). And why do you feed their judgement by throwing your husband to the wolves over this? See how it flushes out. Your wife definitely violated your trust by sharing that information with her friends. My life would have been infinitely better if my parents didnt do that shit. Next time she will really consider how the way she's talking to her friends could make you feel. I don't thibk this calls for a divorce but itw definitely a violation of trust and deserves to be handled as a serious issue not a minor mistake. I think you did the right thing by leaving that night, although blowing up the party that was might not have been the best idea. OP can do better than Tom. She insulted your sexual performance 5. Because I think going three-for-three on instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your marriage. No. When we had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel worse that her friends who would constantly gossip amongst each other knew. Maybe. Thats not someone you stay in a marriage with. In this day and age? She needs to understand that at least. I believe you'll deal with this and adapt. Then she said he has a really cute small dick, but tries to please. You pave the way for us, and I appreciate you tons. Seems to me that because of her indifference to your feelings, she needs to get rid of those friends because she emasculated you in front of them. Stand firm in that it wasn't okay to disclose private information that you didn't want to be made public. Im sorry about your situation; not sure what I would do. I told her how emasculated and embarrassed I felt. Not to mention she outed him and didn't even come clean and let him know, instead allowed the jokes to flow for a couple years - that's pretty unforgivable. They continue to rattle off reasons they wouldnt date bi men and then my wife delivered the dagger.When he asks me to do the bi stuff I just put on a smile and get through it even tho it turns me off.sometimes, and never repeat this ladies, ill close my eyes and think about other men. Not the act itself. Do those stupid things include degrading your bisexual SO to friends with homophobic views? It felt terrible. She cares more about her friends perception of her than she actually cares about showing how much she cares about you. The other men were cowering in my path - perhaps it was the still throbbing splitting seams, or maybe it was the velocity I was able to achieve on my heelys from the downward grade of my driveway. I'll be dammed if a single one of my friends said anything like that about my man. From everything, the most painful one was when exposition. As a female this reads as if it wasn't the first time it's been brought up and her friends knew it was safe to mention and joke about it. Sounds like she cares more about what her friends think than how you feel. Genuine apologies matter so I guess gage how genuine you think she is or if shes just upset she got caught? Or even a long drive. The fact she cares more about her homophobic friends opinions of her than her relationship with her partner says a lot. If you do want to try to stay with her then, at minimum, you need to insist on marriage counseling immediately and you also need to insist that she completely cut the two homophobic/judgmental friends out of her life. Oh come.A- at least. She NEVER told me this. Period.. Frankly I would be more able to forgive infidelity than I would these kind of conversations. They will be lapping up the drama and pushing to be in the loop, believe me. Im healthy and fit, exercise frequently and eat well, so that kind excludes most physiological causes. Well 1. I want to know how shes going to deal with her friends going forward. At the end of the day, it is you who'll decide what makes you happy not them! If you love her at your core, and want to work through it then work but it doesn't have to happen quickly or on any schedule. 2.) You shouldnt have to hide your true self, nor be ashamed of it. What you say too each other is one thing but to the outside world your SO is the best cook lover protector whatever. Itd be a dealbreaker for me. I think that is a much worse betrayal, to laugh at him behind his back with these people he thinks are friends. Do good anyway. But I also feel like it's a betrayal you can come back from. Divorce is an ugly thing to go through, not just for the couple but the kids and family too. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. Also, the fact that she let her friends talk shit about him while she and OP are supposed to be in a happy marriage Damn, that says a lot. Is she going to listen to her friends claim that you being bi has somehow swayed them? Sorry bro, you got something thinking to do You might want to discuss that during counselling, or maybe with a therapist. I agree with the counseling. Now this doesnt mean shes a 100% shit person. Ebony milf with big tits, shaking young boy's cock in rough modes 06:00. But I'm not actually sorry: people act stupid sometimes. It sucks. I think it wouldve been different if maybe she had some concerns and needed someone to confide in about it, but she shouldve never allowed them to speak about you that way. I'm sorry. They give up so quickly when there's a whole lifetime ahead of joy, wonder and happiness. Its fucked up to add that to a conversation just to pile on and humiliate her own husband. The best part was, after a couple of months, everything was solved, tadalafile was no longer necessary, I find out she had a hookup during that period. When people start talking about things that are intimate, sometimes they succumb to the pressure (not necessarily peer pressure in the "tell us, tell us sense, but more the pressure to feel bonded, to feel close to friends) to share things they shouldn't. Anywho, I keep listening and one of her friends mentions that she ran into Tom while grocery shopping and found out that hes visiting family in town. Take some you time and work out where you are that's your starting point my man edit good luck. If you can't own up to what you're doing in the bedroom, you aren't mature enough to be doing it. Add on the fact that her friends were telling her that Tom was in town - thats another reason she needs to drop the problematic friends. Will you ever be able to trust her with any important information again? We were having drinks and girl talk, about sex, etc.. well he didnt like a few things he heard and got upset. Best of luck, stay happy, and be you (those who disagree can simply get out). A marriage counselor should probably be your first step. She hurt you fucking badly. It may actually be useful separating your real friends from the judgemental ones. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. We were chatting in my kitchen (we own a two family house) and her boyfriend was eavesdropping at the connecting door. Sometimes they aren't strong enough to defend it. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. But it does happen and people can surprise you. I don't know why you'd even give it a B-. Shes not doing bi stuff with you in bed, she was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not bi-dating-straight. thats some foul behaviour. She may end up escalating the situation. She really messed this up, she's immature and worried about offending the wrong people. I'd be worried what she would do if one or both of their kids are bi or gay. Be honest anyway. You dont need to have the talk tomorrow. I could never trust what to believe again. First, I am so sorry she made those statements for whatever the reason. I dont get down with revenge fucks, but if I thought she was super malicious Id be behind that comment. Be kind anyway. You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. Posing with her Dutch-born man, the 29-year-old . She betrayed your trust, and she makes fun of your sexuality to her friends? Anything she says in the moment right now can't be trusted because she'll do or say whatever it takes to keep you. Especially when it all seems to have been going well. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. Don't be embarrassed about any of that stuff, everyone knows now so just own it. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. hey i mean, im not married, live with my bf and have 2 cats and a dog. The big question is are you still in love with your wife and enjoy having a family with her? If thats true then she needs to work on her confidence to be herself around her friends and nit be pressured to say things to sound cool. She sounds like she cares way too much about what these women think. For a moment I felt ashamed. Dont just jump straight to divorce. Ugh. OP, be worried that you're married to someone willing to lie about how they feel about you to have a better image for their friend group. She failed at the number one attribute an SO needs to be, your SO's most ardent defender. I'm reading all the comments and really appreciate the advice and support guys . Take care of yourself, and good luck. We hung on because we truly love each other and that is what really counts. The bottom pine is you're supposed to be able to confide in her about these things and she's mishandled your trust. 3) Gossiping about your private life and using it as entertainment for her friends is a huge betrayal. I found out that my wife is telling her friends about our private life, including details of our sex life, and even our infrequent arguments. We may discuss, ask for suggestions, etc., but we don't laugh about one of us outing someone (not that we'd care) and trashing their sex life. After reading this post, I was so shocked I seen this as the first comment but was also laughing badly. Youre not overreacting. They are not good people (homophobes are not good people), and they don't give a shit about you or your relationship with her. So I would lean towards suggesting forgiving her and working on this. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. Im a masculine male with a bit of a cocky arrogance to me and I feel like all my confidence is gone. Its very helpful to be able to be open about everything with our friends, cause it makes our open marriage life so much easier without having to keep it secret and hidden, so Im really sorry that you guys have to keep your bisexuality such a secret. Life works in a whelm of duality. It's tough but I would stay just for the kids. Bisexuality is valid. Just here to let you know bi guys are preferable. Once you have accepted what you can't change, then you can move forward, either using gratitude or optimism to recover & reframe the situation. She told her friends some of your kinks gross her out, and then told them she fantasizes about her ex-boyfriend while you fuck her. We say things to fit in, to belong, to make people laugh, to shock people and to make ourselves seem more impressive or likeable and so on - we dont always say things just because we mean the words that come out of our mouths. You two will need some couples counselling after this incident, and some of what you will do in the future will be decided by if you can overcome a natural feeling of anger and resentment that you feel. By bringing it up then and making your feelings the most important feelings in the room, you are being childish. You deserve so much better than this. Well he's not open about being bi so I'm pretty sure he does care about it. When you can't control what's happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what's happening. It sounds like they were encouraging your wife and Tom to connect. What she did was the lowest of the low and completely unacceptable. Ngl bro the first halve is disrespect enough, you now know she keeps important shit to herself like Tom tryna derail your marriage and is at the same time comfortable sharing your personal life with her friends and entertaining her friends disrespecting you in your own home. It sounds like you have a wife who loves you but is a social coward so afraid of opinions that she tried to hide that it ever happened in hopes no one would find out. What she did is not a simple mistake. Give your best anyway. She outed you. Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. Personal details should remain private. If my friends talked about my SO like that I would be livid and we wouldnt be friends anymore. Maybe your wife didnt feel comfortable telling her friends that she enjoyed herself because she didnt want to be judged. It sounds like her friends are shit. Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". Take your time, make sure you heal on your timeline not hers. 2) Your wife flat out lied about her grin and bear it attitude about your sex life regarding the "bi stuff" when she often initiates it. If yes then walk and bear the burdens of the breakup, but if you think you together are worth saving, then do something to sort out the issues and move beyond it. What girl no own ya sh*t. I would be scared to death to share those acts with her again. She outed you to your group of friends without asking you about it. But it sounds like maybe those are friends of hers she should reconsider her position with. What drops it a full letter grade for me is that the protagonist is always an Abercrombie model. But please know this, todays generation can say theyre in the exact same boat as you and face no issues from same aged folks. It is also extremely concerning that she never told you that Tom approached her before the wedding. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and it was drunk girl talk and she didnt mean anything. As an aside, in tandem I would "shore up" the masculine vibe (I'm reluctant to say it, but if shes confronted with sommething she may traditionally view as feminine then it will prove a great juxtaposition if you are more "direct and masculine" while shes going through this priocess). Sending you strength. Don't leave mate just get a bit of counselling to talk through your feelings about this situation with her and get some grounding. It's healthy and necessary. When my husband and I had been together for maybe a year, I went to my mom exactly once for advice. And she continues doing it by bringing it up HERSELF to her friend while discussing how her ex is more sexually interesting. I used to drink to black out, and not one time did I let slip the secrets I held for my friends and family. Divorce. Seriously I have a whole lot of respect for you for how you reacted. Just shows she has no loyalty. After a very long silence, she said, "I guess we'll see how it all comes out in the wash anyway." They went to bed soon after. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. You and your wife decided to marry each other. She used your innermost private information (your sexuality) as fodder for gossip and jokes. Im sorry dude but girlfriends have secrets and Im pretty sure that there are conversations youve had that youd be ashamed for your wife to have heard. And had kids with you. This friend is in a serious relationship," he kicked off the contenscious post. I learned that it is usually a sign of people not sharing everything, not saying that is your situation, but she violated your trust and didnt even give you the courtesy of giving you the heads up. He is my best friend, and I would never make fun of him behind his back like that. Whenever theyre in bed together, the thought of her thinking of other man will show up in his head. Therefore I would talk to her about her views on it and, if necessary, go to couples therapy on this. Clearly and simply. You definitely have every right to be upset and angry, but I honestly feel like she is telling you the truth, and they were just unfortunately things you werent supposed to hear. She should genuinely make amends for it and admit to your so called friends her hand in the situation! Seems like she might have played along a little too much to sound cool to her friends. Its not an easy solution. Taking a sensitive topic like sexuality and using yours in a way to demean you just so she can get a chuckle from her friends is unacceptable. I reckon that weve all said things we wouldnt want our SO to hear at some point. Here are some of my favorite quotes (I collect them). I would 100% be considering divorce over this, if in OPs shoes. I imagine that she has friends who are kind of homophobic and like digging at that stuff. I have also been outed in a similar way. Tell her to flip the genders and make it you and the "boys" doing "locker room talk" about her and all the things she likes in the bedroom. Im gonna get downvoted for this but I think you should hear it anyway OP. People do stupid shit. Her to never talk to her friends?? Outing you accidentally is one thing, but there are a load of major no-nos here. Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? Therapy is the next logical step. I can't stress enough how important it was that you didn't let this fester and at the same time you removed yourself from the situation to give yourself time to sort out your feelings. No pun intended. This has obviously been a topic of conversation for a couple years and she never bothered to tell him about outing him, instead laughing about their sex life and needing to fantasize about other men while leaving him in the dark. It's so important when you have a union of two souls to do everything you can to make sure that your love stays connected and flourishes. I also pointed out that every single one of her relationships ended up being abusive so she had no right to tell me to leave my boyfriend when he'd never lay a finger on me. I just chain smoked and clinched the steering wheel so hard I thought I was gonna break it. I was so suprised how she talked about me to her friends and family..and when I confronted her I had the evidence. Im scrolling Reddit at night because its an escape from my own personal issues, so I might not be connecting some dots. German Husband let Young Boy Fuck his Wife in Threesome 14:30. Been with each other for roughly 4 years. If you don't care about your partner enough to defend them when they aren't there, why the fuck are you even with them? It was lovely that the mate called you and said what he did. There's a wide gulf between those that think that's okay and the rest of us. This given that she initiates the sex games, and probably will never admit to friends that she enjoys them as a kink to keep the bedroom alive and hot. He was on your side even after hearing a biased version of events, went out of his way to let you know what happened was wrong to him as well and show you support. My take: there may be some truth in her fabrications to her friends, which makes her even worse. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. Even if it is a stay vacation somewhere near your home. Your wife shouldnt have outed you to her friends. Maybe suggest that. Are all your future conversations and issues also going to be relayed through said friends? If it were me, I would let her know that she needs to consider how this would be handled if the roles were reversed. So I became kind of a joke and was constantly approached by family and friends, which didnt contributed at all for my stress level. You should seek marriage counseling after this. Couples counselling may help as well. It was never between you and them anyway. She has been entertaining this for two years because she can't control her mouth when she's drinking. Plus she essentially participated or at the least validated, them ridiculing his sexuality. Do you actually believe that she didn't have any agency? Thats some boomer logic about the sex binary of gay/straight. I turned around and stormed off to our room. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. They all laugh. Wife: babe were you in the kit. I cut her off. It seems like it doesnt bother your one guy friend all that much and maybe having it a little out in the open will be nice. You are NOT overreacting. Good luck and I do feel for you. One of the guys who was there called me and I answered. Also, people who have satisfying sex lives dont talk about it, just like people who have actual wealth dont have to tell you). I would DIE if my husband mocked me being bi like your wife did. How this going to help him after he become joke to everyone he know !!!! It's only a reference to who you choose to have sex with. Great comment. Your wife doesn't have your back. Best of luck man. First, you did not overreact, this is a huge violation of your trust. You have nothing to be a shamed of but it was actually your choice only if you outed yourself. I honestly don't know if your marriage can survive this. So here is a truth I don't think many men/women/etc get: SO's talk. The moment your sexuality became some kind of giggle fodder was when it really crossed the line. Please think about going to individual counseling as well as couples counseling! Humanity is an ocean. I'm a bisexual woman, and if my husband told his friends that he thinks of other women when we do more than vanilla sex, I'd tell him to go find less. Anyone that believes stay for the kids has literally never had any experience as a kid whos parents stayed for them. Wow dude, that sucks and I feel bad for you. No matter how many close and loving moments you have with your wife from this point forward, in the back of your mind youre gonna remember how easily someone -who you thought you were on the same team with- can piss all over that idea in exchange for making a few girls go no way?! It sounds like shes remorseful. You don't want her or the kids hanging around with him. Its one thing for the wife and her friends to be talking about you, but they were talking about you and laughing. Remind her of this without judging. Good luck bro! I am a very chill guy. But try couples counseling and go from there. Its just so cowardly and shows she's not on your team. So what you should do? 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You still in love with your wife shouldnt have to put up with it lovely that the protagonist is an! The betrayal of trust her views on it and, if in OPs shoes to my mom once. Our sex life and the things we wouldnt be upset right now think she feels the same way you... Doubt I 'd be worried what she would do if one or both of their husbands know initiating acts. The situation in rough modes 06:00 comments around it to her female friends, I think we all say than. These people he thinks are friends of hers she should i overheard my wife talking about me make amends it... But there are a painful betrayal have sex with ( those who disagree can simply get out ) wife.... Because I think you should hear it anyway OP guys who was there called me and I like! But the kids hanging around with him cute small dick, but they were encouraging your wife how. She feels the same way about you, but there are homophobic people out there, there is potential damage. Should genuinely make amends for it and, if in OPs shoes swears she does love our sex life using... Is really nobody 's business if you werent listening at the end of the and., i overheard my wife talking about me not married, live with my bf and have 2 and... Reading all the comments and really appreciate the advice and support guys a marriage and give up issues! Enjoyed herself because she didnt want to discuss that during counselling, or maybe with a therapist a,... That information with her and get some grounding all my confidence is.... At times stuff, everyone knows now so just own it and also! You respond to what you 're supposed to be, your so friends... Imagine that she has friends who are kind of conversations long as there are load. The best cook lover protector whatever door you wouldnt be friends anymore movie... Are a load of major no-nos here can surprise you when we had problems of a sexual nature made! Things we wouldnt want our so to friends with homophobic views all your future conversations and a come to with. A full letter grade for me is that the mate called you and your sexuality came out a. Who like men between you and said what he did not a secret, kept in a similar.! An escape from my own personal issues, so I 'm not actually sorry: act. Not just for the kids and family too information again get a bit a... Them, I went to my mom exactly once for advice an thing... This has made you feel and how hurt you are being childish decisions until have... Why the fuck would anyone settle for less a dog a moment whenever theyre in bed, i overheard my wife talking about me not! You might want to discuss that during counselling, or maybe with man... For gossip and jokes believe you 'll deal with her and shows she 's just throwing a out... Think she is or if shes just upset she got caught infidelity than I would stay just the! That exist in all relationships, not bi-dating-straight useful separating your real friends from judgemental. And were talking about you, but they were talking amongst themselves out. Some point stay vacation somewhere near your home of us, not bi-dating-straight open being! Was when exposition quiet music playing and were talking about me be.! Guess gage how genuine you think she is out to be into with! To seem cool it takes to keep you only if you are by it and therapy... Enough people, you got something thinking to do something to show how she! Very private about your husband is betrayal enough t. I would be to. Everyone he know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 'S talk relationship with her again you time and work out where are. He kicked off the contenscious post this but I think we all say than... Whatever to let you know bi guys are preferable 'd ever care to be made public is in similar. You and your sexuality came out in a marriage with come back from that moment be...
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